Humility

I’ve experienced many trying seasons, and I’ve managed to come out of all those seasons basically alive. I knew through them all that, in the end, my testing would produce wisdom and, at the least, experience. So each time, I waited until the end; I waited until I heard my Beloved speak some sort of…

Glimmers of Hope – A Letter to My Soul

I want to write regarding my mental health and where my emotions currently lie and all the various ways I am feeling, but every time I try, it sounds nothing short of a sob story. It benefits no one, not even myself. I’m in that stage of depression where I am fully aware of my…

An Eternal Perspective on Shitty Nights

Tonight I feel nothing short of wildly misunderstood, terribly alone, and desperately empty. I’m counting up the cost again to see if all this pain is really worth it.   And I’ve concluded: yes. Jesus is still worthy.   Even on the nights when even a dog cannot cheer me up, he’s worthy of me…

Destiny Turned to Longing

Two weeks ago, I would’ve confidently told you that I am stepping into the fullness of my destiny during this season. However, this week, I will tell you the many doubts and concerns and longings that have made stepping into destiny kinda shitty. Stupidly, I assumed that stepping into my destiny suggested that the entirety…

Finding Him in the Transition

So everything is coming to an end. Ha, and I’m managing to fuck it all up.   So I am starting a new chapter and moving away from what has been home for the past five years of my life, and I’m leaving my community and comfort and everything I’ve known to head off into…

A Week after My Suicide Letter

**I write none of this as a cry for help, yet I know that some will read this and worry about my state of being—don’t. This is part of my journey, and although it is a scary part, it’s a part nonetheless. I also recognize this post may resonate with some and be a trigger….

Parables about Puppies, Casserole Dishes, and Cleanliness

I keep my room clean these days because it feels like the only thing I can control. Everything else, however, is a mess. Life, a mess. My heart, a mess. Relationships, a mess. My hair, a mess.   I’ve micromanaged everything that I can possibly micromanage in my bedroom. I rearrange the books on my…

The Little Things

Today was a painful one… it met me with a shit-ton of questions that only became more and more confusing and a lot more hatred for my brain that’s always trying to sabotage me. All day has been that feeling where your heart sinks into your stomach and you don’t know if you should throw…

Chronicles of a Recovering Leper

So it has been one helluva tough week for me.   I don’t even know how to adequately express myself without giving you an insanely long recap of the secrecies of my life and the hidden parts of my heart, but hey, you already have been faithful to reading about my struggle with bipolar disorder,…

When Stories Become Memories

“I was sexually abused when I was seven by my step-sister…”   I’ve told this trauma narrative over and over again at various tellings of my testimony. Naturally, it’s always become hidden during times of telling family friends or anyone who may tell my parents because that is the worst possible thing that could happen……

The Beginning

Originally posted on Behind These Hazel Eyes:
“I don’t really believe in mental illness,” I said.  This is always a great way to start off a conversation with psychiatrists.  You can almost see the smoke come off of their pencils as they try to write fast enough about how crazy you are.  I wasn’t joking, though.…