The Little Things

Today was a painful one… it met me with a shit-ton of questions that only became more and more confusing and a lot more hatred for my brain that’s always trying to sabotage me.

All day has been that feeling where your heart sinks into your stomach and you don’t know if you should throw up or throw yourself in front of a moving bus… and it didn’t go away.

I went and grabbed my lighter from my backpack, ready to commence with the routine of making my emotions a tangible pain by means of burning myself.

I left my lighter in my pocket, despite how thoughts of relieving my feelings of inadequacy, brokenness, and worthlessness plagued me.

I’m proud of myself.

I didn’t harm myself today.
I didn’t find a release through alcohol.
I didn’t impulsively explode on someone.
I reached out for help.
I processed the best I could.

I’m still in a shit-ton of emotional and mental pain, but damn, I’m proud of myself.

One day at a time.

Be proud of yourself.
Every day you go without scarring your body is a good day.
Every day you remember to be kind to yourself is a successful day.
If you’re living with a brain that wants to kill you, then every day that you stay alive is you showing off that you’re a fighter.
Keep fighting.

It’s the little things keeping us.
He is keeping us.
We’ve got this. I believe in you, friends.

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