Remember

Remember that one time I blogged and said I was going to try to write weekly about my journey towards wholeness? Well, it’s been almost three weeks now and I’ve had two counseling sessions since I last wrote. I mean, consistency sucks sometimes because I don’t really want to tell three people what’s going on…

Hello My Old Heart

There’s a phrase people use often that I relates well to my ups and downs of life… I’m falling into the feels. And for whatever reason, this tends to only be attributed to developing feelings for someone romantically; however, this isn’t where I’m falling. Rather, I’m falling into a new season of feeling a lot….

On Days When I Hate How I Look

Last night, I looked in the mirror and hated everything about the way I looked. I became mad that I would even be out in public looking as unkept and, dare I say, masculine as I did last night. Then I became sad. Then I became very anxious. It was time to go home. I…

Blind Obedience Through My Weakest Yes

If I’m being brutally honest with myself, I’d have to admit that I am addicted to self harm… and I honestly don’t see a problem with it. Initially, burning myself was simply my way of tangibly feeling the intangible emotions that overwhelmed me, but over time, I’m finding that it’s quickly becoming a tool of…

Patiently He Waits

I almost feel like I haven’t had enough coffee to write this post… or perhaps, I haven’t had enough alcohol to struggle through all these upcoming strung together thoughts. But here goes nothing… and to clarify, I swear I’m not a raging alcoholic, who uses alcohol to process life. My former sentence was mostly a…

Confetti Guns and Office Buildings

This weekend I called three friends and FaceTimed two. I finally took a shower. I washed my laundry. I cleaned my room. I got out of bed and I was productive. I managed to have more emotive thinking than apathetic thinking. I watched the sunset and breathed a little deeper. This weekend, I began to…

The Friends We Need

Yesterday was my breaking point. Granted, waking up this morning, I still feel the sting of the state of my life and I recognize there may be another breaking point even today… there may be many more breaking points throughout this season. And that’s okay. Because in the midst of me losing my mind yesterday…

Humility

I’ve experienced many trying seasons, and I’ve managed to come out of all those seasons basically alive. I knew through them all that, in the end, my testing would produce wisdom and, at the least, experience. So each time, I waited until the end; I waited until I heard my Beloved speak some sort of…

Glimmers of Hope – A Letter to My Soul

I want to write regarding my mental health and where my emotions currently lie and all the various ways I am feeling, but every time I try, it sounds nothing short of a sob story. It benefits no one, not even myself. I’m in that stage of depression where I am fully aware of my…

An Eternal Perspective on Shitty Nights

Tonight I feel nothing short of wildly misunderstood, terribly alone, and desperately empty. I’m counting up the cost again to see if all this pain is really worth it.   And I’ve concluded: yes. Jesus is still worthy.   Even on the nights when even a dog cannot cheer me up, he’s worthy of me…

Destiny Turned to Longing

Two weeks ago, I would’ve confidently told you that I am stepping into the fullness of my destiny during this season. However, this week, I will tell you the many doubts and concerns and longings that have made stepping into destiny kinda shitty. Stupidly, I assumed that stepping into my destiny suggested that the entirety…

Finding Him in the Transition

So everything is coming to an end. Ha, and I’m managing to fuck it all up.   So I am starting a new chapter and moving away from what has been home for the past five years of my life, and I’m leaving my community and comfort and everything I’ve known to head off into…